nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When are your genitals available?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
