Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
