i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All the doctor said was why
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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