Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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