I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
