She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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