i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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