She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
