And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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