i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
