who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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