whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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