so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
