Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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