I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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