I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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