Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
