Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
