I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
