By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
