Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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