My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
