Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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