Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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