I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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