if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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