Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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