did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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