I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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