I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
