I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
