Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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