shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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