Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
