Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
