is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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