i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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