69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
