So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
