Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.