Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps

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(703): i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps http://tfl.nu/14e5

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(815): View more from Illinois

have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?

(1-815): View more from Illinois

why can't you just be normal

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(815): have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u? (1-815): why can't you just be normal http://tfl.nu/06xb

Replies (78) Good night (4859) Bad night (3161)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge

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(717): Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge http://tfl.nu/tbkl

Replies (7) Good night (5520) Bad night (625)
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(520): View more from Arizona

my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

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(520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands http://tfl.nu/9efg

Replies (14) Good night (4544) Bad night (1396)
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(616): View more from Michigan

We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.

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(616): We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks. http://tfl.nu/giz7

Replies (14) Good night (4848) Bad night (985)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.

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(540): I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them. http://tfl.nu/t9kz

Replies (6) Good night (1189) Bad night (2805)
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(631): View more from New York

Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.

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(631): Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight. http://tfl.nu/prjm

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit

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(203): Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit http://tfl.nu/qeew

Replies (6) Good night (990) Bad night (2102)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.

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(832): Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome. http://tfl.nu/loiz

Replies (5) Good night (2584) Bad night (551)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..

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(570): I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going.. http://tfl.nu/xhce

Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (1712)
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(+61): View more from Australia

The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger

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(+61): The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/x8sq

Replies (4) Good night (543) Bad night (1098)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.

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(778): Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact. http://tfl.nu/nx0r

Replies (3) Good night (471) Bad night (1043)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.

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(847): Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra. http://tfl.nu/ud2y

Replies (8) Good night (1157) Bad night (359)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.

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(678): I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment. http://tfl.nu/3adl

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(207): View more from Maine

No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.

(207): View more from Maine

What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?

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(207): No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before. (207): What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now? http://tfl.nu/z0d4

Replies (3) Good night (404) Bad night (160)

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