Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg

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  (847): All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg http://tfl.nu/5dma
  Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (1583)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.

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  (860): i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him. http://tfl.nu/6b9m
  Replies (9) Good night (720) Bad night (3004)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it

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  (802): you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it http://tfl.nu/ykku
  Replies (27) Good night (3374) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.

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  (616): And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard. http://tfl.nu/ztg2
  Replies (18) Good night (1155) Bad night (3276)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.

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  (630): They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today. http://tfl.nu/t7wc
  Replies (18) Good night (4573) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?

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  (614): Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit? http://tfl.nu/zum7
  Replies (35) Good night (1496) Bad night (5484)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  God wants them to get laid too.

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  (267): Why do fat girls all have such cute faces? (484): God wants them to get laid too. http://tfl.nu/23cz
  Replies (59) Good night (7979) Bad night (1425)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling

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  (818): The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling http://tfl.nu/93rl
  Replies (8) Good night (3881) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.

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  (513): im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped. http://tfl.nu/kvpg
  Replies (1) Good night (1046) Bad night (2949)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.

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  (408): Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick. http://tfl.nu/f6ps
  Replies (8) Good night (922) Bad night (2225)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?

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  (408): My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know? http://tfl.nu/68pr
  Replies (8) Good night (2465) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.

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  (504): U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life. http://tfl.nu/tysm
  Replies (2) Good night (622) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.

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  (773): Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app. http://tfl.nu/h2ht
  Replies (1) Good night (1145) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???

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  (413): i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown??? http://tfl.nu/ek0c
  Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.

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  (424): I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster. (479): This lesson is brought you by a psychology class. http://tfl.nu/4ga3
  Replies (8) Good night (1419) Bad night (316)

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