I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me