I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
