I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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