I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
