What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize