I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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