she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
