I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
