Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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