im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
