I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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