the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize