i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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