yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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