At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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