I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Girls should come with a carfax report
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
