So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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