just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
