I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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