so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
